The Flinchum File

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Equanimity

A few years ago, a dear aunt got the “death sentence” from her doctor, giving her only 3-6 months to live.  She promptly got into her car and started driving all over the eastern United States to say good-bye to her friends and relatives.  She was not remorseful, but she did feel it was important to put a “finishing touch” on her relationships.  I’ll never forget standing on the driveway with her, as she gave me a hug, told me she always loved me, got back into her car and drove away.  She didn’t even have a tear in her eye, but I sure did.

Recently, I was visiting with an 88-year-old friend who told me that he had another 18 months to live, at most.  But, he was not upset at all.  He said.”the nature of this disease is that I could drop dead at any moment, and that’s OK.”  He has no fear of death — just a quiet, almost friendly, acceptance of the inevitable.

She was a born-again Christian, and he is loosely Catholic.  So, religion doesn’t explain their emotional calmness in the face of death.  Maybe, it is just the final stage of dying described by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her hallmark 1969 book, On Death and Dying, which she called acceptance.

I think they were closet existentialists, even if they didn’t know it.  They were never terrified of death, not just when they faced it.  They were not fatalistic.  They just didn’t see the point in being afraid.